A Stop At The First Star

I started another "no more late nights for me" attempt that I've been tightly sticking to for a while, but an anomalous night falls down from my line every so often. And its not too bad, in fact it might be just enough for me to give my recently caged night owl self a nice little break. Yet again, that would be another reminder that any shade or interval of freedom certainly is not for free.

I finally made time, or overslept enough to stay awake for some extra time the following night, to watch the movie Up in the air. My week was kind of chaotic. I ended up adding a third name to my list of favorite movie directors, after finding out that Jason Reitman was also the one behind Juno.

As the credits went down, playing a few scarily relatable soundtracks, I had already landed in the exact place I knew this kind of movie will throw me into...


"Tonight, most people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day, and tonight they'll sleep. The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places, crowning their neighborhood with lights. And one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip, passing over, blessing them."

I can't tell which direction out of the two I am seeing is the one I should worry about more; the fact that the idea hit home, or the fact that I did not mind the hit? I don't know if I really am scared, like most people are at the end of the day, of being and staying up in the air, away from everyone back on the ground. Do I really not mind carrying an empty backpack of ,basically people, for the course of a lifetime? and if I ever decided to come down, would it really crush me if I found out it was too late? Or will I gracefully retreat right upwards where a randomly chosen world picked out of an airport's destination board, is hardly at all even waiting for me?

It is not fearing an empty backpack at any point do I fear, for currently I am working my way up to some level, on a pretty much involuntary basis that I have recently noticed but can't and/or (hence the whole post) do not mind. At least for now.