Monday, August 30, 2010


Is that the point where you find yourself , somehow, realizing you're becoming everyone you never wanted to become? Is that the point where a line of thought appears sensible out of certain sequences of events, leading you to start, more than ever, considering that your dreams were never really yours?

You used to be someone you know by now you were not. And now that you're at it, you're all-(most of)-the things you didn't see coming your way, or you going theirs, so to speak.

Who the hell are you, then? Were you ever, to begin with? The benefit of the doubt is the only instrument that keeps you sane.

"If you keep going over the past, you're going to end up with a thousand pasts and no future." - The secret in their eyes

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I Might Have Been.

Right now. Right at this moment in time, I have absolutely no idea who I am, what I am, where I am, or how I am. None. Whatsoever. No exaggeration. Too many mixed signals to be able to conclude anything sensible.

But I'm free.

I'm strong and I'm free. I'm confused but I'm free. I'm self indulgent and incredibly lazy but I'm free. And I'm scared, I'm terrified down my own skin, but I'm free. I don't feel, but I'm free, I never sleep well but I'm free. I go through daily roller coaster mood rides that, unlike roller coasters, never really end, but I'm free. I curse more than I ever used to, but I'm free. And I don't believe enough, but I'm free.

Make no mistake, I don't know why I'm free either, but that doesn't make me any less free.

Mentioning roller coasters, I once heard that the best way to enjoy those was to close your eyes during the ride. I tried that, it felt like being asleep on a bus. I never really got how that could be the best way to feel the thrill. So, well, don't close your eyes in roller coasters, or you might as well walk right past them and fetch the nearest bus.

One day, I will write a story about this song. It's just not today.

I need to speak to a wall.