Even if it's not. Even if what should/could/would is not. It still is.
Here I am, months later, with more question marks and a relieving sense of curiosity that makes them, not necessarily easier, but just rather more interesting. More like life, not just words followed by that most feared symbol.
I made a miscalculation. I basically founded my future vision of my life upon what I have right now. And, needless to say, it looked great. It looked...possible, to hold on to everything I thought I'd never let life take away from me, regarding the choices I would make.
And so, I've officially known what it means that "Time is making fools of us." Upon realizing the little big error, I watched it all fall down waiting for me to reconsider everything, and then I laughed so hard on the inside, gracefully accepting my first badge. I'm not being cynical at all, I really did laugh, because I'm happy with the occurrence. Change is gonna come, and now this is a much better shape and form to live through it. I had to understand that it doesn't mean losing oneself, because at the end of the day, the different choice is still a choice. Written down, it looks like I'm just stating the obvious, but it doesn't really become obvious until after that kind of realization.
I'm going to be 21 in April, and two months later, I'll be graduating. And then comes the infinite abyss. Life does happen when we're busy thinking about it, maybe that is why it's hard to grasp it when it does. Maybe that's why a word such as "graduation" would never really sink in, because when it does happen, it still won't be happening on some other level...the one in my head, that is. Then again, that's when I can say that this other level, doesn't really matter now.
Currently high on:
Regina Spektor - Us
Florence and the machine - The dog days are over
