Here's A Shade.

I am somewhere between Green and Blue. I'm waving at Teal from a distance, but it can't get a hold of me. I'm staggering through the shades. Purple doesn't look that far off, and Red could pretty much be on its way. For all I know, thought, I'm waving at Gray from the mid-point of some line.

I have invented a color. And it doesn't look out of place if I am unable to describe it. It certainly isn't strange that I won't find it anywhere in physical reality as well. But I know I have created a whole new shade out of this crazy, crazy spectrum that is loosely zigzagging its way across the Status Quo.

Sometimes it fades into the hazy dimensions of certain facts, such as Time for instance. But then it jumps right out of wherever it's been hiding within it, the minute I remember again that however Time passes, it eventually does, and this is what should only count. Even if that still doesn't make it any easier to survive on that parallel galaxy of longing.

Other times, because, you know, it's still new to the world and just loves to play around, it wanders off for as long as a whole day. But again, it finds its way to my bed every night and slips in through my skin, back to the inch of my spine I have reserved for it. My shade can never leave for too long. Just as I don't make sense without it, it could never make sense without me either, because no one ever came any close to seeing it the way I do.

I have found more meaning within the rays of that shade than what I thought I did in any other.

See, world? I'm being a good student.

I'm going to start singing again. I'm going to show my vocal chords how exactly far they could go. I found the shade hiding there today.

Note to self: Write a Thank You letter to Lifehouse when Julie wakes up from her coma.

Current playlist:
What I'm looking for - Brendan Benson
Walk The Line - Johnny Cash
Revelry - Kings Of Leon
Daffodil Lament - The Cranberries
Don't Think Twice, It's Alright - Bob Dylan

Current Obsession:
Closer - Kings Of Leon

The Hallway.

It is with plastic loosely tying each of my feet and a fiber pad keeping my breath from reaching out to your gracious skin, between the words that momentarily escape the land that is my head as I lean over by your bed, between hugging your sister for you and inwardly screaming at the slightest mishaps of every day, between the smiles I identify as genuine at finding them emerge from unthinkable roots, and the tears I seem to stop and plead to fall, both at the same time, between the parallel sounds of the music and the laughter and that one new whimsical smile I have only just came to know. between the opening of the ICU door and the closing of the one to your room...

That I am one step closer, to getting to the bottom of it all. It was far beyond my reckoning, but I would not have found a stronger reason to want to step any further, no matter how much I brood over how I have wanted to.

And it's all for you, Baby Blue, and the smell of roses on your forehead.

That I finally give enough of a damn to believe.

This is what I'm singing you on my next visit, I hope it brings you closer to Home.




Wake up, I want you to see what you have made out of me.